The Darwin Awards: Children’s Edition
A is for Amanda, who was crushed by a panda
B is for Ben, who always drew on himself with a pen
C is for Clara, whose eye got infected from old mascara
D is for Daniel, who was bitten by a Cocker Spaniel
E is for Elise, who kept prank calling the police
F is for Faye, who devoured the entire all-you-can-eat buffet
G is for Garry, who thought the film was too scary
H is for Helen, whose head was hit by a melon
I is for Igor, who refused to do a single chore
J is for Jack, who choked on his afternoon snack
K is for Kim, who didn’t know how to swim
L is for Lily, who thought seat belts were silly
M is for Matt, who just got too fat
N is for Nina, who on a busy road she could be a ballerina
O is for Osama, who tried to ride a llama
P is for Parker, who didn’t go home when it got darker
Q is for Quinn, who found his dad’s gin
R is for Ross, who always forgot to floss
S is for Seth, who got tickled to death
T is for Tia, who climbed into the oven of a pizzeria
U is for Uma, who tried to outrun a puma
V is for Valentina, who fell into the marina
W is for Willow, who cut off her ear like Van Gogh
X is for Xander, who was extremely allergic to coriander
Y is for Yvette, who tried to swallow a whole baguette
Z is for Zeke, who got beat up because he was a geek
